I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
