my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
FUCK WHALES
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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