I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
