best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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