i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
