His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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