took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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