He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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