it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Hippo gnu deer
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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