he wants to bone in the snuggie
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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