why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
