Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
