he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
