Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
