Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
