He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
