pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
