Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She's the barista slut.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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