I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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