dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
