Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
