i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
