Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
