Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
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He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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