You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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