I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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