Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
