I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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