WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
