You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
