Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
