i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
