textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
