So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
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Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
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My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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