I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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