omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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