HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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