ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
