I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
