after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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