He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
