Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
