It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
True strength comes from lack of pants
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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