She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
