you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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