I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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