She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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