I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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