Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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