I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
