i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
