I wish I could teleport
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
