Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
