at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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