The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
