No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
