Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
just tell him i said nine months
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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