Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
