I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
