Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
