Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
