Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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