meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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