you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
