Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
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