In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Well I just put wine in my tea
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
