what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
