I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Randomize
