i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
whose parrot is this?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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