I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
