I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
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the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
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Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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