i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Pants are for mortals
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
