why didn't you poke me back
I can tuck mytits in my pants
wakey wakey hands off snakey
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
